last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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