dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
