I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
