I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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