clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
