I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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