this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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