my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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