3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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