I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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