Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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