i barfeds in our rink
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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