thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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