yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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