You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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