ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
