i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
