happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
