I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
