I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
