Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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