I'm sorry my penis didn't work
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
