ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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