I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
