I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There r osticjed everywhere
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
