so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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