I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
