i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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