you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
