i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
