My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
