I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
