I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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