Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
