The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
