my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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