do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
