Porn is love you can see.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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