i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize