i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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