I just made out with a guy for $7.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
