On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
