Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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