We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You need Xanax blowdarts
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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