No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
