he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I supernannyed him into submission
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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