So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
