tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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