I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
