3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
where am i from again
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
