Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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