ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
