when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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