I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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