Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
