Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
