is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
