is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Who died my cat blue again?
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