Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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