Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
