fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
