I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
