I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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