yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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