that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
