Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
