I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
50% drunk capacity currently
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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