i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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