Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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