I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
