remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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