dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
