When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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