it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I skipped work to stalk him.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
