If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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