I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
