just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
